I'm home tonight.
Mom's at the hospital and I'm not really sure what's going on. That's the tough part. I took the girls to the fireworks show and we had a great time. I watched Sydney run around with the DeFine children and Taylor and Haven. It was great to see. Alan and Jen were there with Romi -- who was up way past her bedtime somewhat enjoying and somewhat not the fireworks -- and Noah. We had dinner at the house wondering how things were going down at Riverside. Jen may be down there now. I feel for her. More than anything, I feel for mom. Her 'adventure' is a struggle for everyone. I hope that Dad is home resting for tomorrow. I hope that Mom is sleeping comfortably in her new air bed. It's hard. It sucks.
Sleep is hard to come by these days. No doubt Mom wants everyone to sleep comfortably but it just isn't easy. I was up most the night last night with every idea why but no idea how to solve it. There aren't any solutions. And there's little normalcy right now. The kids are a welcome diversion. I watched each firework and thought of Mom in her bed, wondering if she'd see another one. Wishing.
It occurred to me that we're blessed to have everything we do and that life is what we make it. And that I hate cancer. If I could ball it up and put it in a ring with Kimbo Slice I would so it could get pummeled to oblivion.
If there is a lesson to be learned it's that we all need to love and live every moment like it's our last. Sink sailboats and laugh about it.
Sunday, July 5
Evening at home
at 12:11 AM
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2 comments:
Rick, thanks for sharing the frustrating feelings. I hope that you, and Jen, and Julie, and your families know that you are not alone in this adventure. I hope that all of you know that we continue to keep each of you, your Dad, and your Mom in our prayers.
It is good to release the hate. It is very good to recognize the opportunity to love.
I have been keeping a file of quotes for about ten years. At times it reads a bit more like a journal. I have been blessed to have the opportunity to share some of this with MaryAnn. I looked in the file this morning after reading Rick's thoughts. I offer the following two items I found in November of 2000 in love.
"I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor." --D. H. Lawrence
From a Guideposts devotional: "Enjoy the silence of the night, let it bring peace to your soul."
(Note to myself in November, 2000: I picked this up from today’s devotional after having slept in the recliner from about midnight until 4:00 am. Making my way to the bedroom, I attempted to go back to sleep. Within 20 minutes I was on my way to the basement, where I first searched for some mind numbing television to put me back to sleep. I was taking a vacation day on this Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Within a half hour I turned off the TV and turned to a book I was reading at the time. I dosed and read for about two hours. Reading the above “to act” comment simply reinforced taking the opportunity to spend some quiet time thinking or meditating or praying. Even if it is in the middle of the night, it is amazing how refreshing it can be.)
Two somewhat contradictory comments: activity and stillness. I hope you find what is best for you at the moment.
Your family has always demonstrated to me, as an extended family member, the strength of love. Continue to share love and experience the joy of moments as they occur.
Dick
The support of Mary Ann's wonderful family is tremendous. It was almost visible in form when I visited on Saturday. I'm sure this sustains her every bit as much as the best of the doctors/medications/therapies do.
Mary Ann, isn't it just the best feeling in the world to know how much you are loved by all of us? Stay strong and relax in trusting your medical team to be your healers and advocates.....Dawn
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