I miss my mommy. I helped Noah with his scheduling for classes next year. Or I should say I "tried" to help him. Dad was here. We were both at a loss on how to help him choose. He seems so angry. At his teachers.... At me.... I just wish she was here to talk to him. She had a connection with him. One I don't have.
It is Haven's birthday today. We all went to dinner at a Japanese steak house that she loves. There was such a hole missing. It was incomplete. I so wanted to make her 11th year special, but the cloud lingering was overwhelming.
I can't seem to let Romi out of my sight. I told Alan the other night that I "think" it is because I took care of my moms needs for so long because I saw her as "helpless" that maybe this is now what I am projecting upon Romi. I just want her near me all the time.
My mom was my best friend. My teacher, my confidant, my moral compass. I miss her with a passion that is insurmountable.
I thank everyone that came to her wake. I thank everyone that came to her mass and heard Father Barry call for her postmortem miracles to be seen. I thank Daphne who opened her home to our family. I thank you all for reading her blog and remembering her tonight.
Jen
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2 comments:
Jen, though we've only briefly spoken, I know partially what you're feeling about your mom. My days are filled with thoughts of how Maryann would want something done. I am constantly thinking of ways to help others. It's a continual process. That's the joy Maryann wanted us to have as we approached our days. I remembered how she talked about her released tears when Jim's mother passed. She was glad to get the feelings out. It felt so good to her. That means us, too. She taught us to have feelings and express them. It's lovely to share thoughts with those who care.
Jen, I know this may seem "off-the-topic" but I think your writing is very good. I've noticed it in your other posts as well. Maybe it's something that would be good therapy to help you to get through this painful time. It is also a way for one of your mom's gifts to live on... in Haven too! :) Love you!
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